clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
