You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
