Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize