feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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