Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week đ
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick âmy pegasusâ weâre not friends anymore
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