Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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