HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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