Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
