I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
