We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
