mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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