He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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