I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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