stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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