Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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