Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
