I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
