Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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