I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
