I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
