he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We are two peas in an std pod
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
