I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
