Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
