here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
