so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
