his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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