I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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