I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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