i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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