Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
