sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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