Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
