tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
