Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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