in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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