I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
