i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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