i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
