omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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