drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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