im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
