distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
