At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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