Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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