I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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