Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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