Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
