Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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