that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
