I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
