If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
