Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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