I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize