you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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