i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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