Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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