flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize