just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
