He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
