i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
