if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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