I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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