You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
